I'm feeling super defeated.

Untitled.

I haven't been writing in here lately because there hasn't been anything worthy of writing about lately. I'm sure you all are sick and tired of hearing about my unemployment woes.. So i won't talk about that anymore.

I just made a small batch of rice krispies treats, and they were delicious. I'm thinking I should probably make dinner for my parents before they come home, but I'm feeling super uninspired.

My mom asked me recently if I thought about doing a DTS, since I'm not getting hired these days. For those of you who don't know, a DTS is a Discipleship Training School, which is 2-3 months of lectures followed by 2-3 months of outreach, under YWAM (Youth With A Mission). It teaches you about reaching God's people, listening to His voice, learning to intercede for others, etc. etc. depending on what type of DTS you decide to do. So I thought about it, and I'm interested in doing it.. but I'm scared. Not yet sure if I'll be doing it, so I guess I'll update you guys more on this later. If I decide to do it, It'll most likely be in Kona, HI from September through March..

I've been helping out Jenn's store for the past few days. Or rather, she's been helping me out by giving me some work and a paycheck. It's been fun and super eye-opening about the jewelry industry. Insane.. absolutely INSANE the amount of money involved in even one little store. All these little beads/crystals/rocks laying around. Oh, that's a nice little pile of beads. But no, they're not beads. They're all DIAMONDS. geezers.

I told jane that for my birthday, I want to invite everybody I know in the world and rent out the entire California coastline and have a giant party. She said no.

I got to cut in front of a line of 100+ people at Diddy Reese a few nights ago. ah-ha. I got a $1 shaved ice.

My mom's trying to get me a job managing a Chiropractor's office. A Korean Chiropractor. Although my Korean is limited, hopefully I won't have to interact with Korean patients too much since there is a receptionist. I wonder if I'll have to study up on medical terms in Korean..

I guess that's it.

=[

After a month, Hyatt HB decides they don't want me. Waaahh.


I guess I'm starting to get used to the rejections.


I need a job.

Post-rapture.

Although it hasn't yet reached 6 AM in my part of the world, it is well past the predicted time of rapture in many others, and unfortunately for Harold Camper, (and his avid listeners who may or may not have spent their life savings, sold their worldly possessions.. etc etc..) Jesus has not come back. Camper, you've let us down again.

Jokes aside.. This rapture talk has got me thinking and a little worried. Although I did not believe that today would be the end of the world (because I do not believe that any man could predict the coming of Christ), there's always that thought in the back of your mind.. what if? What if today, Christ was coming? Am I ready for him?

I want to live my life so that any moment, I would be ready. I would be prepared for Christ at all times. whooooo that's quite a life to live.

No, I did not kill myself.

I am still here. =] Sorry if I worried any of you. The day I posted "F My Life", (One of my more intelligent, bookmark-worthy posts, in my opinion..) I had just gotten an email from Hyatt OC saying that I didn't get the job. This was the interview that I was really excited about, the one I was certain I would get.

So.. I cried a little, brooded a little.. read the email over and over, then went out to meet my friends and watch the Lakers lose again.

But.. it's okay. I'm applying for more jobs, I'm still waiting for Huntington Beach to say yes or no, and... I guess I'm over not getting the server job. I'm not okay with it, but I"m done crying over it.


On to more important things:

I cooked mothers day dinner. =] I was quite proud of myself. While everything wasn't everything I imagined it to be, overall, it was all very good. I was just disappointed with my caprese because I now know... the burrata that Pizzeria Mozza gets will always... always be 100x better than what I get at the market. Live and learn.

Today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. I really wanted to throw them a party and celebrate their lives together, but.. I'm broke. Sorry mom and dad. Instead, we're going out to dinner, just the four of us, for a quiet night out. Which one of them might pay for. haha... Hopefully my brother will pay.

Also, yesterday, I joined Weightwatchers online. hAHAHHAHAAH. Don't hate. I was looking around the website and the different tools/whatnot that they have, it's freaking genius. GENIUS I say. You can eat ANYTHING. They give you a daily allotment of points you can "spend" on food. The fattier the food, the higher the cost. so you can still eat it.. you just can't eat anything else. Also, if you exercise, you get more points. It's so simple.. yet brilliant. Plus, they have an app for your phone, so you can track your meals as you go, throughout the day, read articles, read success stories, look at point values for restaurants/fast food, all from the comfort of your hand held mobile device. amazing.

I was just going to try the 7 day free trial, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to stay with them and pay month to month. Whoever got them to give out a 7 day free trial is a genius. Nobody who really wants to try will cancel their membership after only seven days. They'll all want to see how they do as months progress.


Anywayyyy... I guess that's all happening in my life right now. I'm also selling 4 GLEE tickets for the concert at the staples center on May 28th, 8 PM. If you'd like to buy, please talk to me. =]

Love you guys

F my life.

Miraculous!

It's a miracle. I had two interviews. That i got on my own! Not interviews gained through connections with friends!

It's funny, literally the day after I wrote my rant about not getting even an interview, I got a phone call for an interview. I love it.

My two interviews were both with Hyatt, but at different properties. My first interview was at the Hyatt property in Huntington Beach, for a front desk position, and i was there for about three hours and had three interviews. My first was with an HR manager, and she was super nice and sweet. Next, I met with the front desk manager, then last, with the Rooms(?).. Director and assistant director. It was a great interview, I feel like I impressed them, we had a lot to talk about, but here I am, still waiting for them to call, since they're still interviewing candidates. This was two weeks ago.

My second interview was with the Hyatt property in Orange County, a few blocks away from Disneyland, and it was for a server position in the restaurant on property. It's a beautiful property, atrium-like because there's a huge glass wall on one side of the lobby that lets in all the light from outside. I met with 3 people again, an HR manager, a restaurant manager, and the Assistant F&B Director. I loveeed interviewing with these people. They were so genuinely friendly, the loved what they were doing, and they were able to inspire a little passion and excitement into me just by talking to me.

When I was talking to Anthony, the asst. F&B director, he told me something that made me pause for a moment.. He told me that the previous interviewers had told him that they had the impression I would be much better suited for the rooms division. (i.e. front desk) He also told me that since there aren't many intermediate managerial/supervisory positions in F&B, promotion would probably come much more quickly if I were a front desk agent. Now, I was much more excited about working for the OC Hyatt, probably solely for the reason that I would be working in F&B. But I do want to get promoted quickly, to kind of satisfy my mom's dissatisfaction with my industry choice. However, Anthony told me that if food and beverage is really what I want to do, if that's my passion, then he can help me. Don't give in to the rooms side, don't give into the thought of quick promotion, because who knows, really, what's going to happen? He said he would help me find my way in F&B.

I guess I have to actually receive the job offers before I start worrying about which job I"m going to take.. But I'm not 100% sure on what decision I'll make if I do get these jobs.

thoughts? (EsPPP you, JENN!?)

been laudin no more.

what a momentous day in history. Osama Bin Laden is dead.

After ten years of searching for him, he's finally gone. It's insane.

Is it okay to say that I'm happy he's dead? I don't know..

but it is what it is.

5/1/2011

Meltdown.

I had a mild panic attack yesterday. I'm not exactly sure why, but I can tell you it was career related. I had a sudden overwhelming feeling that I was never going to get a job, that I was an idiot, and that I was going to live a short, meaningless life.. at home. At my parents' home. This was after receiving another rejection letter and applying for about eleven more jobs.

Thank goodness it was all over when I woke up this morning.

A few Sundays ago, I met the president of a hotel company at church. It was the time during service when they want you to meet the people around you, and he happened to be sitting next to me with his son. We introduced ourselves, he asked me what I did, and when he found out that I was a hospitality major who was still looking for a job, he offered to help me find one. He forwarded my resume to his director of HR, and I applied for a front desk position.

Now, I did not assume that just because I was a Christian, that he would hire me. However, I did assume that he would hire me because he would actually look at my resume and see that I was.. I don't know, normal? Someone with work experience? I kind of took this as my "Finally, I'm going to start working" thing. I assumed that within a week or two, I would have a job. But I got another rejection letter, and that's when my panic attack slowly started building up.

Honestly, I'm baffled. I don't know what it's going to take to get a job now. Apparently, you need five years of front desk experience to get a job at a front desk now, a position that I believe was, just a few years ago, an entry level position. For goodness sake, I had that job in high school! Surely a college graduate with a degree in the very same industry as aforementioned entry level position would be able to do the work. But apparently not. I don't know what to do.

I really didn't want this blog to become a documentary of my increasing insanity and frustration over unemployment. I'm sorry that it has.



On a completely different note, I'm taking my bartending test in a few hours. Finally! One week, I was out of town. The next week, I overslept. Last week, I forgot about it. So finally, a month after finishing my classes, I'm taking the test. Maybe I can get that job at the El Rey theater Jane was helping me with. I wonder if I got my TiPS certificate..


On another completely different note, I wanted to talk about money. Again. A few days after the disaster in Japan, I made a sizable donation to a Christian organization that was helping with relief. It was more than I was able to afford at the moment, but I felt good about it. When my dad found out about it, he didn't exactly say that it was stupid of me to do, but he sure implied it. He made comments about how Japan is one of the strongest economies in the world, that they would be able to take care of themselves, didn't I regret it, now that I have no more money in my account? And it made me feel stupid. Really stupid. I don't want to regret the decision that I made, but he sure seems to want me to.

Anyway, I'm sure that it was used for His glory.



I guess it's time to sleep.

month.. 4?

In just a few days, the third month of my being-back-at-home will be over. That means for three months, I have done nothing but sleep, eat, and play. I also realize that it has been about three months since I've written in here.. Again, sorry!

I can happily say that the first two months of my unemployment here in LA was completely intentional/voluntary/i don't really know what else to call it. You know, that "Oh, no, I"m not working right now. I'm just taking a break before I start working again."
Little did I know that I really should have started that job hunt as soon as I got home in order to land a job by month 3 because apparently, it takes that long. Or longer. I wouldn't know yet, cause NOBODY WILL HIRE ME!

I knew it was going to be hard finding a job when I got back home. But I was arrogant enough to think consider myself a fairly smart person (though you'd never be able to tell by looking at my transcript..), a hard worker, and with enough work experience to get myself a job faiiirrlyy easily. Not so, my friends. Not so.

At first, I was applying to jobs "worthy" of me. Jobs that were good enough, you know? Assistant restaurant manager, F&B supervisor, things like that. Then, as the rejection letters came rolling in, it was "front desk associate", "host", "server".. And now, as even those rejection letters arrive, I feel an overwhelming sense of.. PANIC. Whattt am I going to do? I can't even get a front desk job?!?

I regret not working harder in college, not getting involved in clubs, not getting on the good side of my professors.. but regret aside, I realize that I would be in a higher position if I had just worked straight out of high school and not gone to college. You know, that whole.. work your way up thing. Was it a waste of 4 years? It certainly was a fun four years..


Anyway, was there a real point to this post? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to share my frustration with you all.

To those still in Korea, hope you're taking care of yourselves. Stay warm, eat well.

To those who left Korea before I, I miss you guys.

To everyone else, hello!

goodbye.

Reunited, and it feeeels so Gooooood~

=] I'm home. muahahhaa. I can't believe I'm actually home, but it feels so natural.. almost like I never left. Only now, I have a greater appreciation of vegetables, cheap cheese, and ethnic food. And less appreciation for alcohol and smokers.

I've been trying to get my affairs in order: getting insurance, getting a phone, registering my car, all those little things I need to take care of.. I'm still waiting to be able to register my car, so I'm a bit transportation-less at the moment, which is a little frustrating. I've been pretty much sitting at home the last few days. So, if you'd like to take a little side detour out to my house in la habra, you're more than welcome.


On a side note, tonight I had a what-a-baby moment. I sliced open a head of cauliflower for my dinner... when I noticed the blood. I had cut in half a worm that was hiding inside. T_T i whimpered.. then I tried to clean it.. and gave up. grossed out, i ran away screaming, telling my mom to do it for me as i ran up the stairs.

thank God for moms.

my achy breaky heart

It's officially one week before I head back to Cali.. well, Technically a few hours less than a week but you get my drift. =] I'm super excited, but I don't think I've fully realized that I'll be going home. I feel... restless; I really want to go home. I haven't really felt any regret or sadness yet.. Perhaps that's all brewing inside until my last few hours here.

I thought I'd share something with you all that I thought was rather remarkable.. Mind you, this involves some pretty embarrassing information on my part.. information that will probably stamp me a permanent spot in the losers' hall of fame.. but it's interesting nonetheless so I'll share it. :D

I was talking to.. I think Sarah darkness a few weeks ago about what it would take to keep me here another year in Korea. (I'm really really excited to go home.) I think we came to the conclusion that if my perfect guy (perfect at first glance, anyway.. as in incredibly handsome, rich, charming, the works..) asked me out on a date, then I might decide to sign on for another year in Korea. However, feeling preetttty freaking safe that the chances of that happening are slim to none, I was pretty sure I was going to be heading home in a few weeks time.

Now, here we are, a week before my departure, and nothing's changed... sort of.

Have any of you been to Korea? If you have, you know that it's pretty much... couples central. Couple tees. Couple cell phones. Campus couples. Cafes for couples.. ( A twosome place. Really? You had to single out us loners, eh?) Almost everything in the country screams "YOU SHOULD BE IN A RELATIONSHIP! WHY ARE YOU HERE ALONE?!" Every time I go somewhere alone, whether it be a cafe, or a restaurant or the market, I always manage to feel a little bit lonely because I'm usually surrounded by others in love.

I've had my ups and downs of lonliness in my life. I've never had a boyfriend.. never been on a date. never had my first kiss. (man this is embarassing..) and for the most part, I've been okay. I've been lonely, sometimes lonelier than at others, but being here in Korea has affected me a little bit more. A lot of my friends back at home are single.. Here, not so much. It also doesn't help that my students are constantly asking me if I have a boyfriend or am I "solo"? Am I married? How many boyfriends have you had? How old were you when you got your first kiss? Kids, your guess is as good as mine.

However, in the last few weeks, something rather remarkable.. (at least in my uneventful life) happened. twice. I was asked out.

hAHAHHAHA.A

Okay, so let me tell you what happened. The first time, I was exiting the subway station about to walk home, when this older guy.. (If I had to guess his age, I would say 33-35.) approached me and basically said that I was his ideal type and would I like to go have some coffee with him? He looked fairly normal, although.. old.. and kind of nerdy.. but I declined, and it was actually quite a feat to brush him off. The second time was about a week ago, when I was leaving my officetel heading for work when this guy who apparently lives in my building asked me for my number.. I told him I was leaving the country, though, and I haven't seen him since.


So what do I make of these two encounters? I think it's pretty amazing that in the midst of feeling lonely, while being in a country by myself.. being surrounded by signs of love and boyfriends/girlfriends, that my loving God takes the time to give me reassurance that he is, in fact, preparing someone for me, and that however undesirable I might believe myself to be, HE still loves me and tries to make me feel a little of that love.. in a more obvious way.

So thank you, Lord, for making my day. =]

The home stretch.

This is it! One more month to go. Four more weeks of teaching, then I'm outta here. I'll finally get to go home to sunny Southern California, where I belong.

Although this term has been pretty smooth so far, I still can't wait for it to be over. Generally, I have pretty good students. I have a masters class of middle school students who are so intelligent and articulate that it amazes me that I'm their teacher. I love to talk about different subjects with them.. culture, global issues, kpop.. Sometimes I feel like they're my younger peers. I'm really going to miss that class.

On the other hand, I do have a class I can't wait to be finished with. A lower level middle school class, half the class is comprised of teachers'-worst-nightmares students. They don't work, they don't listen to what I say, I don't think they understand half of the words that come out of my mouth.. I found out today that 2 of my three worst students have dropped out and the third told me today that he was also quitting. Although I was relieved, (I'm sure my classes are going to run much more smoothly from now on) I was also disappointed that I'd, essentially, failed to turn them into capable students. But for now, I'm just going to breathe a sigh of relief that I won't be spending most of my classtime yelling at them or trying to talk over them.


I've been thinking about how much money I've saved over the last year, though I've been trying not to. The high pay we English teachers receive in combination with the relatively low cost of living here in Korea has allowed me to accumulate a nice little chunk of savings over the year without even trying. (Although, a pretty extravagant lifestyle in the first half of the year has left me with less than some others I know. Hehe.) But I've been planning on doing something I've never done before: tithing.

I've had jobs before, and I know I should've tithed before. But with the credit card debt I'd accumulated over my college years, plus making minimum wage, equaled my being too desperate to use every dollar I'd earned. I never set aside that tenth to lift up to God. But now, I suppose I've finally become a true full-time, working adult. I make a solid earning, and I'm planning to tithe for the first time at the church I've been attending in Seoul before I leave for the States.

After I tithe, and after I pay back my dad for a loan he made me a few years ago, I am going to have... a lot less money. I'm trying not to think about it. I know I'm not supposed to worry about money. I know that what I give to God, he will return to me many many times over, but I can't help but think in the back of my mind.. "Dang it.. I really wanted to go to Spain." or "I really wanted to eat at that restaurant.."

And so Lord, would you give me trust and assurance that I don't need to worry about money. Would you continue to watch over my pocketbook and help me not to be so materialistic. (haha) And would you help me to trust that you'll show me all of your creation in due time. Amen.


How did this turn from a post into my last month in Korea to a post about money? Hmm.

my familia.

(i like to change some words into spanish to make my titles seem cooler.)


I was reading a friend's blog post about her relationship with her mom and it made me want to cry. For two reasons:

1. My heart hurt for her and the pain she's felt over the years.

2. I missed my own mom and dad very much. And I realize how much they love and care for me.



I used to hate my mom. When I was growing up, she and I fought a lot.. I always ran to my dad for comfort and protection (literally.. ) and all of my friends were scared of her. Mostly, I think, because of stories I told them.. hehe..

However, as I've gotten older, and especially since I've lived outside of home, I've been able to take a step back and look at my mom and dad for who they are: two incredibly loving, supportive parents.

I should've known earlier how much they love me. Once when I was younger... I think I was in the second or third grade, my mom and I had gotten into a fight (over what, I have no idea) and I basically burst into tears and told her that she didn't love me. She burst into tears, grabbed me, and wrapped me into her arms, telling me how much she loved me. I think that was the first time I felt her love so... really? is that the word? It was real.

I've never had to worry about money. I've never had to worry about, really, anything in my life because I knew my parents were going to support me. They let me go to whatever school I wanted because of what I wanted to do. Even when I've made some incredibly idiotic mistakes in my life.. (some of which were very expensive) They've been been there to fix the problem for me. My dad used to sit by my side at night in high school when I couldn't sleep because of pain in my stomach.. for hours, into the morning.. then he would go to work. And not just one on occasion.. It was almost every night, for weeks.


I could go on and on. I have hundreds of stories of their love for me.. and I think being here in Korea has made me so much more appreciative of it. And not only because I'm far away from them, and I miss them. For another reason.

I've been experiencing Korean culture, and I'm not liking all of it. The drinking culture, the smoking culture, the hierarchy and respect thing.. It's all very disappointing to me. My rose-colored lenses about Korea are definitely shattered now. I've seen the typical, drunk Korean man and he's not a person I can gather much respect for. My father is the exact opposite of that. He doesn't drink or smoke. He shows his affection and love to me. He doesn't care that I don't speak to him formally, like some of my friends' parents do.. How could my parents have grown up in this environment and turned out the way they did? I don't know.


but in a word, how am I feeling?

Blessed.

back again..

I'm feeling sheepish. =]

I started this blog with the full intent that I would keep it up. Write frequently.. with a new start, i would have new energy.

obviously, that failed. haha so i apologize, but I am BACK and ready to update you all (all five of you!) on my recent adventures.

Many many moons ago, my friends here in Ansan left me.. Jamie.. Audrey.. Meagan, Tommy.. all of them. haha. And although I miss them all terribly and would much rather they be here with me, I'm happy to report that life hasn't sucked completely here in Ansan since. I've gotten to know my other coworkers a little bit better, and I have two new teachers to chill with. One's from LA (yay!) and the other is from Boston..? It's been pretty good.


(Oh! Jenn had left too! I was supposed to meet with her and Grace before she left, but I hadn't been feeling well that day and totally failed them. Sorry Jenn.. but we will meet again in LA. =] )


However, I still can't wait to go home!! TWO MORE MONTHS! I'm super excited. Although it still feels a little far away, I realize that I only have about 8 more weekends here. It's gonna go by in a flash. I was talking to my dad the other day, and he asked me "don't you want to do any more sightseeing in Korea while you have the chance?" and in my impatience to go home, i replied.. "there's nothing left to see. There's nothing to do here.. " but I realize there is.. in fact a lot of stuff I still haven't done here. (hehe.) Lately, I've been having a lot of free time because of cancelled classes.. and instead of going out to venture and sightsee, I've been kind of just lounging about.. wasting my time. I should take advantage of my new found free time.. but i do so hate to go around alone..

Today, I took a bike ride around Ansan lake park and the library.. After picking up a few books to help me pass the time, I took a ride around. I thought I had been to the lake park before, and I'm pretty sure I had, but the lake park I saw today was BEAUTIFUL. It's a lot bigger than I had thought, and it was my first time riding around in the day, and I saw more than I ever had before. I only wish I had my camera because it was such a lovely day.. The weather was wonderful, there was a nice breeze, and it was just.. nice. and peaceful. I sat on a bench and started reading in this beautiful weather, when an elderly couple sat on the bench next to me.. and pulled out their radio. -_- They ruined my peace. After enduring their k-pop for about ten fifteen minutes (yes, even the elderly here listen to kpop), i hopped on my bike as if i were going to leave. i rode about 100 meters away and sat on another bench and continued my reading. (haha i think they saw me too..)


i recently took a short (4 night) trip to Thailand. =] It was muchos fun. Left Sunday morning, arrived Sunday night.. spent monday alone, and Jamie arrived on Tuesday morning. It was pretty chill, did a lot of eating, some sightseeing.. if you want to know more, ask me. =]

I guess that's about it for now. I'm gonna go reread The Witch of Blackbird Pond.

JJiming-it Out.. but not really.

Guess where I am?

JJIMJILBANG. and it's eight in the morning.. and I have nothing to do.

Since this weekend is kind of Jamie's last weekend here in Korea before she has to start packing and getting ready to go, the girls decided to sleep over in Seoul. So Saturday evening, we went shopping, came to Itaewon to eat dinner, and now we're staying in the Hamilton Hotel's sauna...

I hate sleeping in saunas. It's uncomfortable, there're people all around you, it's either too hot or too cold.. people come in late at night and wake you up.. *sigh* I think i got a total of 4-5 hours of sleep last night. Don't think I'll be doing this again voluntarily any time soon.

Anyway, later today, we'll be doing more eating..maybe shopping.. I dunno.. but I don't know how long I'll last cause I'm still tired..


I keep thinking that I update this blog pretty regularly.. but now I realize it's already been two weeks since I've written. I'm sorry to all my loyal followers! (haha.. jk. there are like.. two of you.) But to be honest, there just isn't all that much to update on. I feel like I'm just trying to get through the weeks.. the months.. waiting until the time when I'll finally be able to go home.

My brother had been thinking several months earlier on whether or not he should come to Korea. Money's good, job searching back in the States sucks, and it's something to do. And even though I couldn't really recommend it to him, I was excited to have someone close.. esp family.. come here with me.. so I told him "Yay!" and "Come!" ... now I feel a little bad. but at least he decided not to come.. so it's all okay in the end,right? =]

Jamie's sitting next to me. She can't sleep either, and she's finished sweating it out, me thinks. What to do...

Okay. time to go.

Schedules and finger pain.

Why is it that i can't sleep through the night unless I have someone staying with me?

When my mom came over, I slept. Every night, one or two in the morning til eleven or twelve. When Alice was here, I did even better! Midnight or one, til eight or nine in the morning.

Now, I can't sleep through six straight hours for the life of me.

Typical night schedule: get home around 11 or so, probably after eating dinner with my coworker(s). Go upstairs, turn on AC, cool down, go online.. accidentally fall asleep around 1 before I've showered.. wake up at 3. Can't fall back asleep.. go online for several hours. Finally go back to sleep in the morning, round 8 or 9.. wake up just in time (sometimes barely) for work, arrive exhausted..

Which is why it is now 7:30 in the morning on Saturday and I'm writing in my blog. I have work in about six hours.

I have no idea how I'm going to switch to a normal schedule once I get home. Maybe the whole jetlag/ time difference thing will help me out.


In other news, I went to the doctor a few days ago for a checkup, and also cause my finger was killing me. It was one of the most frustrating/emotionally exhausting mornings of my life. I went to the doctors office by my place, but it was on holiday for the week. I went to the local hospital, but the sheer amount of people was daunting.. I knew I would be waiting for hours.. then when I get to the receptionist, she tells me I can't meet with a doctor until i do something, and I had no idea what she was talking about.. something about test and go there and do something..

I wanted my mommy. No, really. I was so frustrated, I was in pain. I felt like crap.. I had never been more homesick in my eight months here in Korea than that moment, walking out of the hospital, wondering where to go.

I took a cab, not knowing where to go.. had him drop me off at a nearby subway station.. then suddenly remembered a hospital (a small one, more like a multiple-doctors office) that I usually pass by when I walk home from the station. So, i headed there.

I met with the doctor, all was well, I stopped my baby-ass crying.


Turns out my finger, that I had broken freshman year of college playing flag football, was inflamed at the joint, which was why it was hurting so bad. I got some pills, and started some rounds of physical therapy, which consists of icing my finger, my therapist working the joint a bit to "improve mobility", some electric pulses running through my arm, and a final treatment of laser on my wrist. I've gone twice, at least 3 more to go.


On a side note, I think I met the one Korean in Korea that I would ever consider dating: my physical therapist. (haha..) Main reason, he's NORMAL. He doesn't have crazy hair, and the only thing I see him wearing are medical scrubs, so I don't know if he usually wears super tight skinny jeans and peach colored blazers. Also, he's really nice. And outgoing. We talk about Korea and the States, while he practically re-breaks my finger. However, the mere fact that he's Korean, and lives in Korea, voids him in my book. I'm going HOME, dammit, and unless you're coming with me, no thanks.

Anyway, I've showered, got my ice pack ready to numb my finger, and I"m gonna see how much more sleep I can get before I have to go to work. =]


So adieu, to all of you. nite.

NOOOOO, DON'T GO!!

August 20th. A day which will live in infamy.. in other words, the day that Jamie Chiu will be leaving my life here in Korea.

AAGGGHH!!

Today, I come into work, and in walks Jamie, clicking her high heels with a little more bounce in her step than usual... and it would be mere moments before I find out why.. She found out her official end date with us at CDI Ansan. August 20th.

I don't know what I'm going to do here without her! She was my first friend here in Ansan. She was the one who took me in.. took me out, showed me where to go, how to use the subway.. She took me on my first Myungdong trip, showed me where Homeplus was.. (And if you don't know how much I love Homeplus, you don't know me at all!) Basically, she's very important to me here.

And she's leaving. Along with pretty much everyone else I care about here in Ansan. (i.e. Audrey..) And I'll be here for another three months with only new teachers to play with.

I guess it's about time I introduced you to my closest friends here.

Meet Jamie:

She's Chinese-Australian.. Born in Hong Kong, raised in Ghana, moved to Australia to live with her younger brother. She's got an accent that's a mix of Australian and Chinese, uses words like "heaps" (which i've become quite fond of..) and uses "biscuits" to describe cookies. "Jumpers" to describe jackets. She's part tomboy, part girly-girl, and she's almost constantly painting her nails. She has some of the most beautiful legs I've ever seen, and I've adopted her as my girlfriend in Korea. (hahaha i sound totally lesbo) She'll totally share her pack of digestives with you, even if it's the only thing she's brought with her to eat. Everyone loves her because "she's always down for anything."

Also, she's one of the kindest, most open, and most welcoming people I've ever met.

Meet Audrey:

Typical southern girl from South Carolina. =] Previously hails from Virginia, I believe.. She's got blond-brunette hair, which she dyed blonder a few months ago..(her roots are showing..haha) She plays guitar, writes songs. Listens to bluegrass but has a long list of hiphop and rap on her ipod. She's going to spend the next year leading fellowship/biblestudy/counseling for a campus Christian ... community..club? After she gets back home. She likes to cook. She's the kind of person you wouldn't mind sharing ice cream with. soft serve. And she feels no hesitation about pulling off a piece of cheese with her fingers and sticking it in your mouth. (haha) That's just the kind of person she is.

She's extremely warm hearted and loving, always gives you the benefit of the doubt, always tries to see the best in people.

I consider myself super lucky and truly blessed to have met these two girls.. Girls who will invite me over to watch Grey's Anatomy at two in the morning..They'll cook dinner for me just because they can. Girls who will go out to eat with me even at eleven o clock, after work. Girls who I can have bible study with.. Girls who I can share my feelings/problems with, and I know they'll comfort and pray for me, rather than judge me.

One of my coworkers said to me a few months ago (mike, this is you) that he believes in something like an international friendship barrier. When you meet someone abroad, the factor that seals in whether or not you'll keep in touch for a long long time, even while living in separate countries, is if you visit each other. Now, I think I am going to visit one or both of them.. either on the east coast, or in Hong Kong or Australia.. but I honestly can't imagine not keeping in touch with them, even if we never do get to meet up again.

So these are my girls in Ansan.

So to Jamie and Audrey.. DONT LEAVE ME! YOU CAN LIVE WITH ME! RENT FREE! I'LL EVEN PAY FOR UTILITIES!

::ahem:: i mean.. Girls, I love you lots, let's make the most of our last month together. =] And you guys are always welcome at my place.

I'm Stressed.

Sort of..

I was fine, up until about five hours ago. You see, About a month ago, I was named Head Instructor at my workplace.. (I think it's mostly because I can speak Korean and I probably won't fight the management..I don't really like to ruffle feathers..) But since receiving that post, it's been harder to do my job.

Let me explain.

In my very first week as HI, we received four new instructors. This means four new people who need to be trained, shown around the city.. They need bank accounts, they need cell phones.. internet.. they need to know how to sort their trash.. And if it was just left at that, that's fine. I can help them.. but then, it turns into.. they're having trouble with classroom management. They don't know how to discipline their kids. They don't know how to teach the material. Students are saying the classes are boring.

I don't even know how to fix those problems in my own classes.

Problem solving has never been one of my strong points. I don't think of myself as much of a creative thinker.. thinking outside the box. Coming up with good solutions to problems in my workplace. In the past month and a half, I've heard so many problems our workplace is having. Financial issues. Student Retention. Classroom Management. Ideas for Intensive classes. But I have no idea how to solve these issues, nor am I even sure I want to. Sure, I can spend hours watching CCTV (which is what I'm supposed to be doing..) to figure out what's wrong in someone's class. I can sit in my room and think of ideas to make money for the company and to keep our students enrolled. But partly due to laziness and partly due to my own inadequacy in dealing with these situations, I haven't given much thought to solutions.

I guess, though, that this is just like any other situation I'm bound to have in my career. This is a situation that needs a solution. Whether it's figuring out how to keep the students from quitting or how to get customers into the door, or how to keep a restaurant's food cost percentage low.. It's all problem solving. Using my under-exercised brain for once. Also, it's leadership. It's the leader who figures out how to fix things and helps to implement new plans. It's a trait I've got to learn some time or another.

So back to five hours ago. I was informed that certain teachers are getting more and more complaints that their classes are boring. They are writing in their daily reports that they're finding it very difficult to manage their students, and they don't know what to do. I was also told that starting next week, I would have to read each and every daily report, solve the problems with the individual teachers, then report back to management what action has been taken.

Also, as HI, I'm supposed to be watching videos of my teachers in class, then reviewing it with them, giving pointers and other feedback. I haven't even begun to do this. I guess I should start tomorrow.

I guess the enormity of the number of issues that I have to deal with is making me feel a little overwhelmed. And there's another thing. Past HI's have told me and continue to tell me not to let them take advantage of me. Don't do everything they say, just because they're management. Don't let them push me around. The problem is, how am I supposed to know what's within my duties as HI and what isn't? How am I supposed to know if it's something they're pushing onto me because they can, when so far everything sounds like it could reasonably be included in my job description?

Maybe it's my naivete.. Not being experienced enough.. Never thinking that such nice people could possibly take advantage of me. Maybe it's just a different work culture. Koreans are hard working people, after all. Maybe it's expected of me to put in all these extra hours, fixing these problems. Sometimes when people tell me not to do something, that it's not my responsibility, I can't help but think, "But it's okay. I don't mind helping out a little bit.. Maybe you're just negative."

I'm finding it harder and harder to distinguish between someone being knowledgeable about work or the world and them just being negative. So you say everyone at work is an idiot. They don't think. They're not fit for their jobs.. Is it them, or is it you? I really don't know.

So tomorrow, as I go in to work on a Saturday.. (sigh..) I guess I'll have to start figuring out for myself.

The tone of the first two posts in this blog so far haven't been very cheerful.. Hopefully that's about to change.

I'm not even sure if this post made any sense..