my familia.

(i like to change some words into spanish to make my titles seem cooler.)


I was reading a friend's blog post about her relationship with her mom and it made me want to cry. For two reasons:

1. My heart hurt for her and the pain she's felt over the years.

2. I missed my own mom and dad very much. And I realize how much they love and care for me.



I used to hate my mom. When I was growing up, she and I fought a lot.. I always ran to my dad for comfort and protection (literally.. ) and all of my friends were scared of her. Mostly, I think, because of stories I told them.. hehe..

However, as I've gotten older, and especially since I've lived outside of home, I've been able to take a step back and look at my mom and dad for who they are: two incredibly loving, supportive parents.

I should've known earlier how much they love me. Once when I was younger... I think I was in the second or third grade, my mom and I had gotten into a fight (over what, I have no idea) and I basically burst into tears and told her that she didn't love me. She burst into tears, grabbed me, and wrapped me into her arms, telling me how much she loved me. I think that was the first time I felt her love so... really? is that the word? It was real.

I've never had to worry about money. I've never had to worry about, really, anything in my life because I knew my parents were going to support me. They let me go to whatever school I wanted because of what I wanted to do. Even when I've made some incredibly idiotic mistakes in my life.. (some of which were very expensive) They've been been there to fix the problem for me. My dad used to sit by my side at night in high school when I couldn't sleep because of pain in my stomach.. for hours, into the morning.. then he would go to work. And not just one on occasion.. It was almost every night, for weeks.


I could go on and on. I have hundreds of stories of their love for me.. and I think being here in Korea has made me so much more appreciative of it. And not only because I'm far away from them, and I miss them. For another reason.

I've been experiencing Korean culture, and I'm not liking all of it. The drinking culture, the smoking culture, the hierarchy and respect thing.. It's all very disappointing to me. My rose-colored lenses about Korea are definitely shattered now. I've seen the typical, drunk Korean man and he's not a person I can gather much respect for. My father is the exact opposite of that. He doesn't drink or smoke. He shows his affection and love to me. He doesn't care that I don't speak to him formally, like some of my friends' parents do.. How could my parents have grown up in this environment and turned out the way they did? I don't know.


but in a word, how am I feeling?

Blessed.